Being a gay man approaching 50, my life has involved numerous, largely pleasurable years pursuing spontaneous encounters with other men from my teenage years. In my 30s, I had a serious relationship which continued for a significant period, however it never fully satisfied me, in that I felt neither loved or sexually nourished. Truthfully, my constant desire has been for casual sex. Every time I start seeing a potential partner, once the newness fades, I always get the urge to have sex with other men once more.
Currently, I'm contemplating whether it's possible for me to sustain a monogamous relationship. I'm aware that numerous homosexual males engage in open relationships, but when I’ve witnessed them, they appear like hard work, often resulting in lots of heartache and envy among all parties. In many ways, I want another man to love me while allowing me to remain sexually free, however I fear the emotional drain this might create. Should I just keep having casual sex and accept that a long-term relationship may be unattainable? I feel somewhat confused.
Each individual's sexual journey varies. Try not to think about what you require in partnerships or your capacity to tolerate different types of intimate connections as fixed. What you need in your current state may well change in the future; at a certain time you might become more decisive and find some clarity and a suitable route … or perhaps not. At some point you might meet someone offering a transformative opportunity to you through mirroring your desires in a holistic fashion … and later on you might decide that non-committal encounters suit you best. Worrying about what lies ahead and engaging in endless speculation is simply rooted in fear and squandering of your efforts. Try to be present in your relationships, and recognize the worth of each person with whom you might have an intimate bond. When and if the time is right to strengthen true intimacy with a single person, it will be clear.
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